This is why


I write because it is my voice

The reason to live is my choice

I write because it is my path

I live and breathe and then and laugh

I write because it is my sign

That between life and death there is a line

I write because it is my road

To Jesus Christ my heart is sold

I write because it is my world

With love and joy my heart He’s filled

I write because it is my right

And Jesus came to give me sight

I write because it is my calling

Everyday although I’m falling

I write because it is my gift

To He who came to die for me

And set me free

Thinking out loud


What is worth your anything?

Is it that love that so many long for?

Is it world peace?

Or maybe world-wide salvation??

The problem I am faced with is simple in it complexity, how do what I will give anything for when I don’t know what I want? To give your everything you need to want something in return.

Sure, I want world peace, love and everyone to know the saviour… But what do I want??

How do figure it out? Where on this path that I was taking, did I get so lost that I forgot where I was going? 

People say the journey is more important than the destination, but what motivates the one who lacks a vision? Where is the hope for the one that has nothing to hope for?

I need to keep chasing. Lost in an effort of self-realization. What dream am I chasing when I have nothing to dream.

There was a time, when I knew what I wanted, when I had a goal and vision. And I followed, fought and worked to get it. Then life in it brutality sneaked in and messed it up. Now my brain is filled with confusion. Didn’t just lose my footing, lost my purpose.

What is next? Where do I go from here? 

WHAT DO I WANT?

Helpless to help you

Tags

, , , , , , ,


Pain is hard to deal with in every circumstance. Your pain hurts my very core. No flirting fancy in romance. But distance in its ferocity has stolen my capability of eliminating your melancholy. But even in its vastness, I can still feel your throbbing agony. All I want to do is put my arms around you. Hold you tight and with my might try to make your plight lighter. I know neither your grief I can take nor the incident can I erase. But I want to be there to wipe your tears and ease your fears and use my words like comfort shears.

Misery like fire burning through you

One of life’s many ills

And all I wonder

Is there really a cure?

 

No one cause can be named

Loss to confusion and despair

All may be the trigger and result

Are you defeated?

 

Darkness that surrounds you

Whispers of wishes untold choke you

All the opportunities and paths he may have walked past

Scream as your heart betrays you

 

Some many question torment you

Of events you cannot change

And the misery cements you

In grief you cannot exchange

 

I feel so helpless in this period when you need me the most. I want to be there for you. No answers do I hold. Nor can I send forth your words untold. I will not let the distance stop me, from trying to make you feel better. I just pray for the Holy Spirit to hold you close with comfort and I wait for you to speak knowing I’m here to listen.

Illusions


Like a virus

You corrupted my heart

Swept right through

Rendering my brain incapable of thought

Any thought beyond you

 

My hands shake

My heart beats faster

I’m taking shorter breaths

I want to scream

But I’m stuck

 

Shattered pieces all around me

Fear of reoccurrence holds me back

Time mends wounds

But time though like glue

Cannot prevent a similar disaster

 

Walls are there

But they were there before

But like fences you turned them

Built a gate and walked in

Proved it possible

 

The audience is broken into two

Opposite in their judgment

Both with the best motives

But are they just the audience

Or is their love stronger and wiser

And if so which side is right

 

My heart has never had a real voice

But I’m not sure it’s just because i trust my brain more

My brain is just safer

Rational has always better than emotional

It doesn’t hurt as much

Not as much effort or investment

Though that does make it right either

 

So confused i sit alone

Thinking of you, i watch the phone

Like an addict waiting for another fix

Though i know this little pleasure isn’t worth the risk

I can’t seem to stop myself

I wish i could run away fast

As far from you as i can get

But hidden in parts of my life i cannot lose

You stay tucked away

Where you can pop up

Always when I’m most vulnerable

[ts not done yet…. but this is a draft, please let me know what you think, thanks]


just read….

watchthespace

I never was one for falling in love. I never thought I was one to fall repeatedly anyway. I imagined I’d meet him and I’d know. He’d be my first, my last…my everything. I suppose to some extent I was right.

He’d be the first to make non-sense out of my ordered ideas about love. He’d be the first to submerge me into confusion and still give me a drowning need for more. He’d be the first person to pull me into the unknown and I’d follow gladly, for something familiar without him would leave me stranded. You see, it was wonderful being pulled out of my self-pity and doubt but pretending they weren’t a part of me is much harder than just acknowledging their part in my life. Yes, he’d be the first to help me make a party of my life as a celebration to all things me…flaws…

View original post 240 more words

Love letter on a day just like this

Tags

, , ,


Outside the window the water droplets lightly tap away, slowly, like the melody to a waltz. She watches as the rain dances as it falls upon the water in the pond. Each drop spontaneously leading into the next, a canon of romance that seems to understand and depict what her heart longs for.

She loves the rain. She was conceived on a day just like this. In frantic passion that was drowned in the sound of the rain. Her mother’s favorite story, a tale of how the love her parents shared brought forth the gift her parents treasured with all their hearts. She had never seen two people who loved each other more. Tears roll silently down her cheeks as the memories of her parents overwhelm her. Her chest aches in the magnitude of how much she misses them. Ironically, it was on a day just like this when her parents were taken away from her. This fact alone inhibits her from driving in the rain. It is ridiculous really, how her body freezes and renders her incapable of being in a car as soon as a single droplet hits the windscreen. Ridiculous because she was not even in the car when her parents had their fatal car accident, on a day just like this one, and even more ridiculous was the fact that crash was not as a result of the light rain but the drunk driver that hit into her parents car.

An unusual love indeed, for it is true; She loves the rain, even though it paralyzes her – only when in a car.

She lightly touches the window and as if to answer her the rain becomes heavier and pours out from the heavens with fury. She is so tempted to go outside and dance with the raindrops to the natural beat they drum in the ground. She can’t help but smile at the thought, at least the rain would wash away the tear stains on her cheeks.   

Suddenly a loud thud that seems to be coming from the attic. She pulls herself from her window seat and walks to the attic. In the attic a fallen box filled with papers all folded like letters. Curiously she opens the one on top of the pile. It is a letter, a letter from her father to her mother. A love letter. She had no idea her parents used to write to each other. She goes through the letters that all have dates, literally hundreds of them, stuffed into the box, and all from before her parents were married. She decides, she knows what she has to do.Filled with excitement and curiosity she gets to work.

Side effects

Tags

, , , ,


Addict to memories
flying kits and silver beads
winters warm
in Irish seas
Beating drums
with the battle theme
Mercy to my feeble heart
deceptive to a fault
misled by strings
and metal tins
that teach the world to laugh

Like fireflies
in midnight skies
or bees that guard the honey
a little smoke
can get them stocked
and flirt with death
a little malt
in a drunken frenzy
I can not see
through misty eyes
and bleeding tears

Just Because You Have A Bad Day, Does not Define That Your Life Is Bad


talinorfali

I recently saw a really interesting picture quote saying “Just Because You have a bad day, doesn’t mean you have a bad life”. I really like that quote so much. Life will always have its ups and downs and we cannot control that. Life will bring happiness, disappointments, frustrations, confusions, misunderstanding, jealousy, fortune, fortunate situations, unfortunate situations, different feelings, emotions, bad days, good days, you name it. I think it is very important to realize that just because you have a bad day, don’t go around saying you have a bad life and your life is not going to get any better, bad things always happen to me, the wrong people always come around me, I am always stuck in a middle of a bad situation, My life is gone to the drain. These things should not be even said. Life is here for a purpose, you are here for…

View original post 407 more words

I just float

Tags

, , , , ,


I feel like I am dead
No feeling left in me
Motionless I move through life
I just float

There is no breathe
No fight left in me
My heart beats a slow
I just float

I see so many faces
And memories leave traces
Of a life now to far to see
I just float

No dreams keep me from saying
How this life just keeps on fading
With its joy and love and living
I just float

Everything is just routine
Easy to do with no thought
No feelings or emotion
I just float

Can my will be trully dead
With one look I see a thread
Is there something left while
I just float

 

Rational

Tags

, , , , , , , ,


Well it may be true
That death for me is gain
I still have to consider
All I have to live for
The fact that His purpose
For me has not yet been accomplished
Is one that has succeeded
In leaving me encouraged

If I were to leave this life that I’m living
With all the people I’ve been given
By the God I’ve been serving
The loss of me would affect
Their lives as well
I’ve determined

I have peace in the knowledge
That my life has a purpose
In the lives of the people
God has given me to service
I have to stay and persevere
Through the hard, harsh turmoil
And let Him take control
Of my life as His mural