Just Saying

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There are so many words to choose from to say what I have to say while i want to say it.

Life’s mystery is more than just existence. It is in communication. 

How do we really know we are saying what we really mean?

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HIM

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Just like a dream

You’re born in me

Your tear my heart

You make me free

I’m writing about this guy I met. And loved, And left. But he stayed. Never to far, and stole my heart to keep in a jar. So by his side, I will stay, I now know, forever it will be so.

When I fall in love

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When I fall in love I hope it feels like being on roller skates. Where it’s all excitement. There’s a possibility of falling but you still skating because you can’t let go of the rush. Where your heart is beating so fast your brain starts flying. Where there is fear that you might fall but there is equal strength to get up if you do. Where it takes one step to move forward then you just let go and let it flow. Then when it flows, everything else falls away, there is no more worries. All that is felt is You and the Rush.

My rainbow

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I tell you everyday

You know this is true

That the Lord God is my sunshine after the rain

My morning sun, clear and new

But you, my darling, are my rainbow

With its beautiful colors, even blue

That reminds me of His promises

Every day, the whole day through

 

You put a smile of my heart

You make me laugh from within

You make my whole world

Feel like the best dream

I love you up, I love you down

I love you even when I frown

For you are my brilliant rainbow

In whose colors I drown

 

In your colors let me shine

You make me feel the world is mine

In your sight

My life is bright

What more could I ask for?

You alone I adore

All I can see, you are my rainbow

The very reason that I glow

 

 

Our Songs


You made me breathless as you sang

On the phone all night saying

You hang up, no you hang up

Knowing

I said I loved you but I lied

Since I’m trapped

In these steel bars

Thinking the best resolve

Is to go back to one and

Keep on walking

For I begged you

Don’t break my heart

Because I can’t help

Falling in love with you.

It was after I knew

There gotta be somebody

That I realized

I love it when you do

What you do and

I’m so into you

Asking who do you tell

That dreams come true

And this love

Is unbreakable

But still I wondered

If I let you go

How can we be lovers

If we can’t be happy friends

When you keep me

Flying without wings?

Amazing, if I didn’t know better

I would make you mine

And ask you to be

My love

 

 

This is why


I write because it is my voice

The reason to live is my choice

I write because it is my path

I live and breathe and then and laugh

I write because it is my sign

That between life and death there is a line

I write because it is my road

To Jesus Christ my heart is sold

I write because it is my world

With love and joy my heart He’s filled

I write because it is my right

And Jesus came to give me sight

I write because it is my calling

Everyday although I’m falling

I write because it is my gift

To He who came to die for me

And set me free

Thinking out loud


What is worth your anything?

Is it that love that so many long for?

Is it world peace?

Or maybe world-wide salvation??

The problem I am faced with is simple in it complexity, how do what I will give anything for when I don’t know what I want? To give your everything you need to want something in return.

Sure, I want world peace, love and everyone to know the saviour… But what do I want??

How do figure it out? Where on this path that I was taking, did I get so lost that I forgot where I was going? 

People say the journey is more important than the destination, but what motivates the one who lacks a vision? Where is the hope for the one that has nothing to hope for?

I need to keep chasing. Lost in an effort of self-realization. What dream am I chasing when I have nothing to dream.

There was a time, when I knew what I wanted, when I had a goal and vision. And I followed, fought and worked to get it. Then life in it brutality sneaked in and messed it up. Now my brain is filled with confusion. Didn’t just lose my footing, lost my purpose.

What is next? Where do I go from here? 

WHAT DO I WANT?

Helpless to help you

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Pain is hard to deal with in every circumstance. Your pain hurts my very core. No flirting fancy in romance. But distance in its ferocity has stolen my capability of eliminating your melancholy. But even in its vastness, I can still feel your throbbing agony. All I want to do is put my arms around you. Hold you tight and with my might try to make your plight lighter. I know neither your grief I can take nor the incident can I erase. But I want to be there to wipe your tears and ease your fears and use my words like comfort shears.

Misery like fire burning through you

One of life’s many ills

And all I wonder

Is there really a cure?

 

No one cause can be named

Loss to confusion and despair

All may be the trigger and result

Are you defeated?

 

Darkness that surrounds you

Whispers of wishes untold choke you

All the opportunities and paths he may have walked past

Scream as your heart betrays you

 

Some many question torment you

Of events you cannot change

And the misery cements you

In grief you cannot exchange

 

I feel so helpless in this period when you need me the most. I want to be there for you. No answers do I hold. Nor can I send forth your words untold. I will not let the distance stop me, from trying to make you feel better. I just pray for the Holy Spirit to hold you close with comfort and I wait for you to speak knowing I’m here to listen.

Illusions


Like a virus

You corrupted my heart

Swept right through

Rendering my brain incapable of thought

Any thought beyond you

 

My hands shake

My heart beats faster

I’m taking shorter breaths

I want to scream

But I’m stuck

 

Shattered pieces all around me

Fear of reoccurrence holds me back

Time mends wounds

But time though like glue

Cannot prevent a similar disaster

 

Walls are there

But they were there before

But like fences you turned them

Built a gate and walked in

Proved it possible

 

The audience is broken into two

Opposite in their judgment

Both with the best motives

But are they just the audience

Or is their love stronger and wiser

And if so which side is right

 

My heart has never had a real voice

But I’m not sure it’s just because i trust my brain more

My brain is just safer

Rational has always better than emotional

It doesn’t hurt as much

Not as much effort or investment

Though that does make it right either

 

So confused i sit alone

Thinking of you, i watch the phone

Like an addict waiting for another fix

Though i know this little pleasure isn’t worth the risk

I can’t seem to stop myself

I wish i could run away fast

As far from you as i can get

But hidden in parts of my life i cannot lose

You stay tucked away

Where you can pop up

Always when I’m most vulnerable

[ts not done yet…. but this is a draft, please let me know what you think, thanks]


just read….

watchthespace

I never was one for falling in love. I never thought I was one to fall repeatedly anyway. I imagined I’d meet him and I’d know. He’d be my first, my last…my everything. I suppose to some extent I was right.

He’d be the first to make non-sense out of my ordered ideas about love. He’d be the first to submerge me into confusion and still give me a drowning need for more. He’d be the first person to pull me into the unknown and I’d follow gladly, for something familiar without him would leave me stranded. You see, it was wonderful being pulled out of my self-pity and doubt but pretending they weren’t a part of me is much harder than just acknowledging their part in my life. Yes, he’d be the first to help me make a party of my life as a celebration to all things me…flaws…

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